When a relationship ends it’s only natural to feel like all the months or years spent with that person was a waste of your time. It’s easy to get caught up in thoughts like that. Especially if you expected it to last forever.  The truth is even when it ends you have to remember it was good at some point. But don’t hold on to that so much you forget the reasons for splitting up in the first place. There are many lessons to be learned from the experience.  Everyone gets something different after it ends and there are so many lessons to be learned I certainly can’t list them all.  But here are 5 lessons that are teaching moments after a relationships ends.

1. Stop the ‘blame game’.

All too often we are quick to pass blame on the other person.  This especially happens when you are the one doing the breaking-up.  When you were dumped, it’s easy to fall into the trap of asking ‘was it my fault?

An important question to always ask yourself is what did you contribute to the relationship that may have caused the failure? Sometimes we are so quick to blame the other person that we forget a relationship involved two people.  There are most certainly elements from both sides that contributed to the end.  Perhaps things went wrong because of you.  Did you ever think of that possibility?  If you stop and really  think objectively you will find that sometimes the issue was actually yourself.  Pinpoint areas that could have been different.  That could be a source of possible change within you.  In order to move forward into a new relationship it’s important to understand yourself and the role you play so that you can be better for the next relationship.

2. You Learned what you Don’t Like

One of the biggest things learned is knowing what you don’t like in a relationship. Your eyes will be open to cues in the future so you can recognize when something isn’t quite what you desire.  If you think back to all your prior relationships you will discover that there were many times when you compromised even though you knew in your gut that there were things you just didn’t want to put up with.

Now, this isn’t to say that every single think you don’t like means you should break up.  There are most certainly things that you know are deal-breakers for you.  Did you compromise those deal-breakers just for the sake of being in the comfort of someone’s arms? Stop and really think about it.

When it’s finally over, you can sit and realize what you really don’t like and what you’re not willing to put up with ever again.

3. You Just Weren’t Ready

Sometimes you say you want to be in a relationship, but when it comes down to it, you just weren’t ready to be committed.  There are times when you’re dating and because you’ve been spending time with that person you think the next logical step is to commit to each other.  That decision can sometimes be made in haste and then next thing you know you’re in something you weren’t really ready for in the first place.

There is such a thing as the right person, but at the wrong time of our lives.

4. You Can’t Expect People to Change

All too often people try to change others in a relationship. The reality is, people are who they are.  The only person who can make themself change is that person if or when they want to change.  You will spend wasted energy and only frustrate yourself trying to make someone into something they are not.  Most times we see the signs and think that once you ‘marry them’ or they commit to you, you can make him or her change.  Face you. You can’t.

Either accept that person as they are, or move on.

5. What’s Meant to be Will Be

Time will certainly help you in getting through a break-up.  It’s also important to remember that what’s meant to be will ultimately work out.  If things are not going so well perhaps it’s time to take a break from the relationship.  Sometimes both people need some time to find themselves.  Explore their lives as individuals before they can actually be right together.  That doesn’t guarantee that a break will always mean getting back together.  If the two of you were meant to be together, it will ultimately work out.  And if not, then you’ll just be prepared to meet someone who’s better suited for you.

Trust that.