RELATIONSHIPS | Compromise

compromise-in-relationships

Relationships are perhaps the most challenging thing we have to manage in our lives.  One of the major things that can cause stress is the unwillingness of people to compromise.  As human beings we are naturally selfish and desire for things to always be our way.  Many people feel this so strongly that they often will say things like, “It’s my way or the highway.”

Compromising is an important part of any relationship in order for it to progress smoothly.  Decisions like what to eat, where to shop or even what you’re watching on television are small healthy doses of compromise.  Those shouldn’t rock or jolt a relationship.  However there comes a time when there are major things that can make or break you with regards to compromise.  It’s important to always weigh out what is or isn’t important because too much compromise can also be very unhealthy.

Often times we hear about a partner who is always giving or compromising for the sake of the relationship.  There will come a time when that person feels they are giving too much and it can destroy them; resulting in a damaged relationship.

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People unwilling to compromise can end up lonely.

There has to be balance in the relationship.  As two different human beings you will inevitably want different things sometimes.  Know your boundaries and what you are willing to give up.  Be vocal and communicate with your partner why something may or may not be important to you.

There are times when you have to choose to compromise for the sake of the other person.  As they will have to do that at some point for you.  For example if there is a special event that your partner really wants to attend and it’s not really your cup of tea, perhaps you should consider compromising.  Next time there may be an event you’d like to go to and your partner will be more willing to compromise since you did that before.

I believe that in loving someone you have to learn to let go of selfish desires for the sake of love.  Sacrifice is the ultimate expression of love.  This usually happens in a marriage relationship.  One of the most common sacrifices involve moving because of career changes.  Sometimes one person has a great job opportunity that will mean moving.  The other person, who may not want to move, has to make the decision to follow his/her partner for the sake of the marriage or perhaps come up with some sort of compromise.  Whatever the decision, it should be discussed among both parties.

According to an article in Psychology Today by Dr. Mark D. White,  “…you should be careful not to give up too much of what is important to you for the sake of a relationship that should help affirm who you already are.”

Sometimes you will get what you want and others it will be your partner who will.  As long as there is a healthy balance everything should be alright.  But if it’s a one way situation then it’s ultimately doomed to fail.

Resources: Psychology Today, Today’s Parent

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